I have three children and two grandchildren, and there are two things that I know for sure about parenting:
- There is no singular “right way” to do anything.
- As a parent, you definitely lose your marbles, and you just can’t get them back.
Let me explain a little bit.
Parents (or primary caregivers) are the greatest influence by far on a child’s faith journey. Even if a parent brings their kid to every week of Sunday School and youth group, the church, on average, has about 40 hours directly teaching that child in a year. Parents have over 3,000 hours a year of direct influence. And with kids, repetition over time makes a huge difference. My mentor used to tell parents, “You can’t drop your kid off at church like you drop off your dry cleaning and expect them to be church-ified when you pick them up.” You, as a parent, have to own your own influence.
And sometimes that’s hard.
You aren’t handed a manual at the hospital when you have a baby that gives you an outline of how to raise a child, let alone a course in how to raise a child in faith. No one rounds up all the new parents and takes them to a big barn in Idaho to lay out Parenting 101, followed by a crash course in the Bible.
The Bible is a wonderful place to start, but for many parents, that is quite intimidating. They may not feel confident in how to pray, how to make devotions a routine, how to learn more about God themselves or grow in their relationship with Jesus. They may or may not have been brought up in the faith, so they may be fumbling around trying to do their best and just not feeling like they are doing a good job. If that’s you, you are not alone. Every parent has been there. The hospital hands you this beautiful miracle creation, and then it’s up to you.
God knew you were going to be the parent for your children. He picked you to give that little miracle to. He trusted you. He believes in you. And He is also there for you.
We all have hopes and dreams of everything we want our kids to experience and all the knowledge we want to impart to them. We want them to become spiritually locked in and strive toward lifelong transformation in Christ. We hope for good grades, well-rounded friends, and a kind spirit. But we may have no clue how to foster any of those things. Plus, we’re humans living in a broken, sinful world where patience runs thin and emotions run high. And that is part of what makes us feel like we are losing our marbles as we raise kids.
But those aren’t really the marbles that I’m talking about.
There are approximately 936 weeks between the time a child is born and the time they move out for college or work or whatever they head off to do after graduation. Those 936 weeks are the time when a parent has the most influence on a child to develop habits and learn values. Now imagine that each of those 936 weeks is a marble, and they are all in a jar with your child’s name on it. Each week, they grow a bit older, and you lose one of those marbles.
Week by week, year by year, the number of marbles in that jar goes down slowly. It may be almost unnoticeable at first. But before long, there are only 800 marbles, then 400 marbles, then 200 marbles. Or, in the case of my son, who just finished his junior year of high school, there are only 57 marbles left. My jar is almost empty.
The idea of this is not to give you parenting panic with a big ticking clock counting down to doomsday. The idea is to change your mindset about intention. When you fully know the time you have left, you do more with the time you have. As those marbles start disappearing, what have you done this week, with this one marble, to influence your child’s relationship with Jesus?
It doesn’t have to be something huge. Did you pray together? Read a Bible passage together? Attend church together? Did you look for things that God has created with little kiddos or dive into a devotion together with older kids? Did you simply ask your kids what they know about Jesus? Repetition over time is your best friend in building habits you want your kids to have for their whole life. And making the most of your marbles is a good start.
Deuteronomy 6:5-9 tells us, “Love the Lord your God with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your house and on your gates.” For me, I started thinking of my marbles as the things in this verse. This mentality changed the way I parent, and I really feel like I paid more attention to my intentions each week.
I wish there were one amazing parenting book or a perfect podcast I could recommend that would give parents all the answers to every issue. I’ve often considered starting that big barn conference in Idaho to help the rookies. But the truth is that every parent will parent a bit differently, and that’s how God designed it. He created us each uniquely and wonderfully, and He made our children the same way.
What works for one child or one family may be a disaster with another. There are a lot of sources for learning and growing in that role, but just know this: God knew you were going to be the parent for your children. He picked you to give that little miracle to. He trusted you. He believes in you. And He is also there for you.
So trust yourself and your choices. You may be losing your marbles, but you are gaining insight every day into the wonderful person each of your children is growing into.
King of Kings is also here to help you as a parent. Our Kids and Students staff and leaders have resources and experience to share. Our Hey You Kids! videos can engage kids and help start discussions about a variety of topics. Our weekly podcast, Beyond Sunday Sermons, can be something your family listens to together, especially with teenage kids.
Be sure to check out the parenting series “First the Broccoli” on the podcast page, which has lots of great insight. Plus, you can stay in touch with all these things (and encourage your kids with devices to stay connected) with the King of Kings App. Ask for prayers, catch up on missed messages, learn about family events, and more on the app.
We can’t “dry clean” your kids. But we can walk alongside you on the road, dropping marbles along the way.
